Four men stand together on a grassy hilltop golf course under a wide, cloudy sky.

Not Fixed, But Not Alone!

by

“It makes a difference to have friends who care if we hurt.”

That line from this morning’s Just for Today reading, shared in Daily Ponderables, stopped me in my tracks. The reading is titled “Living With Unresolved Problems,” and it goes right at something we don’t talk about enough in recovery.

Usually the solution is simple: call someone, pray, go to a meeting, work the steps. That often works beautifully! But what about the problems that don’t go away? The reading names a few: a serious illness, a child who keeps struggling, bills that are bigger than the paycheck, a loved one who needs constant care. Some problems you can’t fix by Tuesday. Some you can’t fix at all.

Here’s the good news. You don’t have to carry problems alone, and they don’t have to stop your life from being good.

You don’t have to solve it to share it

The Just for Today writer puts it plainly: our friends “may not be able to solve our problem for us or take away our painful feelings, but just knowing that we are loved and cared about makes our problems bearable.”

Bearable. I love that word. Recovery never promised us a life without trouble. It promised we’d never have to face trouble alone again. As the reading says, “We never have to be alone with our pain again.”

This morning’s Dynamic Catholic reflection said it another way, quoting St. Maximilian Kolbe: “God sends us friends to be our firm support in the whirlpool of struggle. In the company of friends, we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal.”

An ongoing problem is a lot like a whirlpool. You can’t always swim out, but someone can hold on to you while it spins. Years ago I wrote a short post on fellowship and how amazed I was by how many people share their experience, strength, and hope with each other. They’re still out there. We just have to let them in.

Acceptance is not giving up

Your Daily Reprieve carried a line this morning that I want to frame: “Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation, then deciding what you’re going to do about it.”

When a problem won’t budge, we either fight it until we’re exhausted or give up and sink. Acceptance is a third way. It says, “Okay, this is real. Now what can I do today?” Maybe you can’t cure the illness, but you can get to the appointment.

Daily Ponderables also shared a story about a 92-year-old woman, legally blind and recently widowed, moving into a nursing home. Before she ever saw her room, she said she loved it. Her words: “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.” She said she could spend the day in bed counting the parts of her body that no longer worked, “or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.”

That isn’t denial. That’s a decision. In my book Recovery Thinking, 90-Days to Change Your Life! I wrote: “Winning in life is an inside job.” She knew it. Today’s reading in Daily Reflections points in the same direction, describing a sober life in which we grow “able to make the best, rather than the worst, of each situation.”

Keep the water moving

One more piece comes from today’s Twenty-Four Hours a Day. The Meditation for the Day asks us to keep pouring ourselves out to help others so God can keep filling us up. “The more you give, the more you will have for yourself.” Then comes my favorite line: “To be clear, a lake must have an inflow and an outflow.”

Heavy loads make us turn inward, and too much of that leaves us stagnant. Being a friend to someone else, even while we have our own stuff going on, keeps the water clear. A line in today’s Reprieve shows how: “Applaud others when they run. Console them when they fall. And cheer them when they recover.”

Scripture says it simply: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17 (ESV). Hard times are exactly what friendship is for.

Five ways to carry problems you can’t fix

  1. Tell one person today. The Just for Today reading ends with a promise worth keeping: “Today, I will call someone who cares.” You don’t need a solution. You need a listener. If asking is hard for you, my post Powerless, Not Helpless! is a good place to start.
  2. Separate the facts from the fight. Write down what’s true and what part, if any, is yours to act on. Do that part, and hand the rest to God.
  3. Count what still works. Like that wonderful woman with her walker, name three things that are going right, out loud if you can.
  4. Be someone else’s friend in the whirlpool. Send a text, offer a ride, or just sit with somebody who’s hurting.
  5. Let a laugh in. The reading says our friends may give us “comic relief.” Humor doesn’t shrink the problem, but it loosens its grip. Happiness leads to joy! I called recovery our second attempt to do life right. Laughter belongs in it.

Not fixed, but not alone

After more than 40 years in human services, I’ve watched people carry very heavy things with real grace. Nearly always, they didn’t carry them alone. They accepted what was real, did the next right thing, stayed grateful for what was still good, and kept showing up for others.

Some problems won’t be solved this week. That’s okay. Your life can still be full, sober, and joyful while you walk through them. Life is GOOOOOOOD!!!

Here’s my question for you: Who is one person you can let into your whirlpool today, and who might need you in theirs?

Go, Go, Go… Dan 🙂

Books quoted in this post:

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A note on anonymity: Although I quote Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous literature here, nothing in this post should be taken to imply my membership in any specific mutual support group, in keeping with Tradition Eleven.

—

Reflection note: I wrote this from my own daily readings. Quotes belong to their original authors and sources (Just for Today, November 2, Narcotics Anonymous World Services, the “Attitude” story, and Daily Reflections, November 2, via Daily Ponderables; St. Maximilian Kolbe via the Dynamic Catholic Daily Reflection, November 2; the Thought to Consider and an unknown author via Your Daily Reprieve, November 2; Twenty-Four Hours a Day, November 2, Hazelden; Proverbs 17:17, English Standard Version; Recovery Thinking, 90-Days to Change Your Life!). I used AI to help organize it and reviewed it before posting.