It’s late October. The pumpkins are out, and before we know it, the turkey will be in the oven, and the office party invitations will be in the inbox.
For a lot of people in recovery, the stretch from Thanksgiving through New Year’s is the toughest season of the year. Old family patterns. Open bars. Late nights. Grief for people who aren’t at the table anymore. Plenty of folks white-knuckle it and hope for the best.
Hope is great. A plan is better! So let’s build your holiday sobriety plan now, while things are calm, instead of on the drive over to Aunt Linda’s.
Step 1: Know your hot spots
Grab a piece of paper and list every holiday event you expect between now and January 2. Then, next to each one, write what could make it hard. Maybe it’s the uncle who keeps refilling glasses. Maybe it’s the work party where everybody “just has one.” Maybe it’s being alone on Christmas Eve.
You can’t plan for a trigger you haven’t named. Once it’s on paper, it loses some of its power to surprise you.
Step 2: Plan your exit before you walk in
Every event gets an exit plan. That means:
- Your own ride. Drive yourself or have a rideshare app ready, so you never depend on someone who’s drinking.
- A time limit. Decide ahead of time: “I’m staying two hours.” Then keep the promise.
- A simple line. “I’ve got an early morning,” or “I promised I’d check in on a friend.” You don’t owe anyone a long story.
Leaving early is not failing. Leaving early is winning! In Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode, I wrote, “It is much easier to stay sober than it is to get sober.” An early exit is a small price to pay.
Step 3: Build your support call list
Write down three to five people you can call or text during the holidays, with their numbers, right there on your plan. Not “somebody from my group.” Actual names. Call one or two of them this week to say, “Hey, can I reach out if the holidays get rough?” Most people will be honored you asked.
Add a few backups too. Check your mutual support group’s holiday meeting schedule, since many groups hold extra marathon meetings around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Save the SAMHSA National Helpline (1-800-662-4357), which is free, confidential, and open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you’re ever in crisis, call or text 988.
Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. I wrote more about that in Powerless, Not Helpless!
Step 4: Practice saying no
“No, thanks” is a complete sentence. Still, it helps to rehearse it, because the pressure feels different in the moment. Try a few out loud before the season starts:
- “No thanks, I’m good with this.”
- “I don’t drink, but I’ll take a coffee.”
- “I’m going to pass this year.”
Keep a soda water, coffee, or sparkling cider in your hand. People rarely offer a drink to someone already holding one.
You can also say no to whole events. If a party is built around drinking, you’re allowed to skip it. In Success-Full, I wrote, “Every No brings me closer to a YES!” Saying no to the wrong party is saying yes to your recovery.
Step 5: Protect your routine and your energy
The holidays scramble everything. Sleep gets short, meals get weird, and the to-do list explodes. Keep your anchors in place: regular meals, enough rest, your morning reading or prayer, and your meetings. Block time on your calendar for them like you’d block a doctor’s appointment. My post on time management in recovery has some ideas for doing just that.
Step 6: Make some new traditions
Don’t just subtract. Add something good! Volunteer to serve a Thanksgiving meal. Host a sober game night. Take a morning walk on Christmas Day. Bring a dessert to a meeting. Service and fun go a long way toward filling the hole old habits used to fill.
Write it down this week
Your plan doesn’t need to be fancy. One page is plenty: your hot spots, your exit plans, your call list, your no lines, and one new tradition. Put it on the fridge or in your phone. Share it with someone who’ll check in on you.
In more than 40 years in human services, I’ve seen that people who walk into the holidays with a plan usually walk out sober and smiling. You can be one of them!
I’m grateful to be sober this time of year, present for the people I love, and able to remember every minute. That’s the best gift under any tree. Life is GOOOOOOOD!!!
So here’s my question for you: Which holiday event worries you most this year, and what’s the first piece of your plan for it?
Go, Go, Go… Dan 🙂
Books quoted in this post:
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Reflection note: I wrote this from my own experience in recovery and in human services. Quotes belong to their original source (Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode). Helpline details are from SAMHSA and the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. I used AI to help organize it and reviewed it before posting.
Image created with AI assistance.