Line-art signpost on a grassy hill with a RIGHT arrow pointing one way and a yellow HAPPY arrow pointing the other, a small Rule #62 card, and the headline RIGHT OR HAPPY? on periwinkle blue

Right or Happy?

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Line-art signpost on a grassy hill with a RIGHT arrow pointing one way and a yellow HAPPY arrow pointing the other, a small Rule #62 card, and the headline RIGHT OR HAPPY? on periwinkle blue“I can be right, or I can be happy.”

That one line jumped off the page of this morning’s Courage to Change reading. It’s short, it’s blunt, and it leaves no wiggle room. Most days I’d like both. But when I dig in my heels to win a point, happy usually ends up waiting out in the parking lot.

The writer of that reading had been stung by a remark that the other person insisted was simply true. Then came the honest turn: “How often have I justified my own unkindness, or my interfering where I had no business, with that very argument?” And then the freedom: “I am learning to let go of my certainty about what other people should do.”

Being right feels great for about a minute. Being happy lasts much longer.

Rule #62

Today’s Daily Ponderables also carried a story from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions that is hard to read without grinning. Under Tradition Four, an early group in a town the book calls Middleton dreamed big. They envisioned a club, a floor for sobering people up, an education project, three corporations, and “sixty-one rules and regulations.” The whole thing collapsed.

Then the head promoter did something wonderful. He wrote one sentence on a little card about golf-score size. The cover read: “Middleton Group #1, Rule #62.” Inside: “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”

The book says the group “had picked itself up with a laugh and gone on to better things.” Even the chief architect, “standing in the ruins of his dream, could laugh at himself,” and the book calls that “the very acme of humility.”

What a gift that is. Humility isn’t beating yourself up. It’s being able to laugh at yourself and keep going.

Years ago, I wrote a short post called Humor, and the message still holds: we all need to be serious sometimes, just not all the time. In another old post, Growing up…, I put it this way: “Our spiritual condition is serious yet joyful!”

Pride lives in the attic

The A Day at a Time reading in today’s Your Daily Reprieve asks a question worth sitting with. Have I begun to realize that “pride is to character like the attic to the house”? It finishes the thought: “the highest part, and generally the most empty.”

Needing to be right is often just pride in work clothes. It keeps score.

Today’s Courage to Change page closes with a prayer from Peter Marshall that I can’t improve on: “Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with.”

That second line is the one to remember. Even when we’re right, we can still be hard to live with.

Letting go isn’t giving in

Choosing happy doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. Today’s Dynamic Catholic reflection, from Matthew Kelly’s Feminine Genius, gives us the balance: “Love is tender, but it is also truthful. Love has the courage to correct, the wisdom to set boundaries, and the strength to say what needs to be said.”

So say what needs to be said, kindly, and say it once. The Courage to Change writer admits to saying it “again, and again, and again.” Most of us know that rerun. Nobody ever changed because I said the same thing louder.

Scripture puts my part in perspective:

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18, ESV)

So far as it depends on me. My part, not theirs. That’s grace I can actually practice.

Your Daily Reprieve also shared a fun little acronym, DETACH: “Don’t Even Think About Changing Him/Her.” It makes me laugh because it’s true. And the Thought for Today in Daily Ponderables, from Dr. Steve Maraboli, adds the deeper reason it works: “When I accept myself, I am freed of the burden of needing you to accept me.”

Do what happy people do

In Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode, I wrote, “If you want to be happy, do what happy people do!” Happy people don’t keep a ledger of who was right. I also wrote, “Resentment kills!” and winning every argument is a fast way to collect resentments, yours and theirs.

In Recovery Thinking, 90-Days to Change Your Life! I said, “Life is meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured.” It’s hard to enjoy a day you spend defending your position.

And in an old post, Bounce Back, but do it right!, I landed on two words I still need: “humility is essential.”

Five ways to choose happy today

  • Ask the question before you answer. When you feel the urge to fire back, pause and ask, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?”
  • Say it once, with love. If something truly needs saying, say it kindly and clearly. Then drop it. No reruns.
  • Pull out your Rule #62 card. When you catch yourself puffing up, picture that little card and smile.
  • Practice DETACH. Pick one person you’ve been trying to fix, and give them back their right to make their own choices.
  • Make a quick repair. If you dug in and got it wrong, admit it fast. A simple “I was wrong, and I’m sorry” clears the air better than any clever explanation.

Lighten up and live

Over 40 years in human services have taught me that the happiest people I meet aren’t the ones winning every argument. They’re the ones who can laugh at themselves, let go, and get on with the business of living.

So loosen your grip a little today. Let someone else be right. Let God handle the outcome. Life is GOOOOOOOD!!!

Here’s my question for you: Where in your life would you rather be happy than right today?

Go, Go, Go… Dan 🙂

Books quoted in this post:

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A note on anonymity: Although I write about Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, and their literature here, nothing in this post should be taken to imply my membership in any specific mutual support group, in keeping with Tradition Eleven.

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Reflection note: I wrote this from my own daily readings. Quotes belong to their original authors and sources (Courage to Change, October 29, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, including a prayer by Peter Marshall, via Daily Ponderables; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Tradition Four, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, via Daily Ponderables; Thought for Today quote from Dr. Steve Maraboli, via Daily Ponderables; A Day at a Time, October 29, and the DETACH acronym, via Your Daily Reprieve; Matthew Kelly, Feminine Genius, via the Dynamic Catholic Daily Reflection; Romans 12:18, English Standard Version; Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode; Recovery Thinking, 90-Days to Change Your Life!). I used AI to help organize it and reviewed it before posting.

Image created with AI assistance.