Room to Grow!

“We are not going to be perfect. If we were perfect, we would not be human.” That line from the Basic Text opens today’s Just for Today, and it made me smile.

Most of us came into recovery with a picture in our heads. Sobriety was supposed to fix everything. We’d be calm, likable, employable, and never make another dumb mistake. Then real life showed up. We still burn the toast, say the wrong thing, and miss the exit.

That isn’t failure. That’s being human. And today’s readings say something even better: when we quit demanding perfection, we make room to grow.

The trade nobody talks about

Just for Today names it plainly: “What we often seek in perfection is freedom from the discomfort of making mistakes. In return for that freedom from discomfort, we trade our curiosity, our flexibility, and the room to grow.”

Read that twice. Perfectionism looks like high standards, but often it’s just fear wearing a nice suit. If I never try the new thing, I never look foolish. If I never speak up, I never say it wrong. Safe, sure. Also small.

Then the reading asks the real question: “Do we want to live the rest of our lives in our well-defined little world, safe but perhaps stifled? Or do we wish to venture out into the unknown, take a risk, and reach for everything life has to offer?”

I know my answer. I want ALL of it!

In Recovery Thinking, page 72, I put it this way: “Perfection is the need to be right while excellence is the drive to take action.” Perfection keeps you frozen at the starting line. Excellence gets you moving, mistakes and all. I wrote more about that in Wear Out the Pencil, Not the Eraser! and, years ago, in a short piece simply called Excellence.

Growth is God’s project, not a solo act

Here’s the good news for every recovering perfectionist. We don’t have to finish ourselves.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 (ESV)

Notice who does the completing. Our job is to show up and stay willing. God handles the timeline.

Today’s Twenty-Four Hours a Day meditation carries a gentle invitation, “come unto me,” for “the strength we need to live with peace of mind and the power to be useful and effective.” Not flawless. Useful and effective. That’s a goal any of us can reach before lunch.

Go easy on other people, too

Perfectionism rarely stops with us. When I demand it of myself, I usually start demanding it of everyone else. Twenty-Four Hours a Day asks a humbling question today: “Who am I to judge other people? Have I proved by my great success in life that I know all the answers?” A few lines later comes the honest part: “I am so often wrong.”

Dynamic Catholic shared this from Pope Francis in The Joy of Love: “If we accept that God’s love is unconditional, that the Father’s love cannot be bought or sold, then we will become capable of showing boundless love and forgiving others even if they have wronged us.”

That’s the other side of grace. When I stop trying to earn love by being perfect, I stop making other people earn it from me. The Daily Ponderables Theme of the Day, “Making Room for Life,” says it beautifully: “When we stop demanding perfection from ourselves and others, we give life a little more room to surprise us.”

Humility first, then responsibility

None of this is permission to stop trying. A Day at a Time, shared in Your Daily Reprieve, says, “We hear it said that all progress in The Program can be boiled down and measured by just two words: humility and responsibility.” Today’s reminder is short enough to tape to the bathroom mirror: “First humility, then responsibility.”

Humility says, “I’m human, and I’ll make mistakes.” Responsibility says, “And I’ll own them, fix what I can, and keep going.” Put those two together, and you get what I call progress. In Success-Full, I wrote, “Progress, not perfection! The attainment of worthwhile goals in all areas of my life.”

In more than 40 years in human services, I’ve seen this again and again. The people who grow are rarely the ones who never stumble. They’re the ones who get back up, ask for help, and try again.

Five ways to make room to grow today

1. Try one new thing. Just for Today closes with this: “Today, I will take a risk, try something new, and grow.” Keep it small. A new recipe, a new walking route, or the phone call you’ve been putting off all count.
2. Swap “perfect” for “done.” Pick one task you’ve been polishing forever and finish it at good enough. Then notice that the world keeps turning.
3. Catch one judgment. When you catch yourself grading someone else, pause and ask, “Who am I to judge?” Offer a kind word instead.
4. Write down good advice. Keep It Simple opens today with an anonymous line: “Write down the advice of him who loves you, though you like it not at present.” Jot down one piece of advice from someone who cares about you, even if it stings a little. It may make more sense another day.
5. Own one mistake, then let it go. Humility first, then responsibility. Make the fix or the amends, and move on. If you need a refresher, read Mistakes as a Recovered Person.

Life is too good to play it safe

We are not going to be perfect. Thank God for that! Perfect people wouldn’t need grace, wouldn’t need each other, and wouldn’t get to grow. We get all three.

So loosen your grip a little today. Let yourself be a beginner at something. As I wrote in Recovery Thinking, “Life is way too good to waste; go seize the day!”

Here’s my question for you: What’s one small risk you could take today if you stopped waiting to get it perfect?

Go, Go, Go… Dan 🙂

Books quoted in this post:

• Just for Today: Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1557761515?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Recovery Thinking, 90-Days to Change Your Life!: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1467965359?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• ESV Holy Bible: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1433503832?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Twenty-Four Hours a Day: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0894860127?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1568380364?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Success-Full, Living Life With Purpose: Recovery Mode: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CL5BQR7J?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Keep It Simple: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0894866257?tag=happyrecove0e-20

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A note on anonymity: Although I quote literature connected with Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous here, nothing in this post should be taken to imply my membership in any specific mutual support group, in keeping with Tradition Eleven.

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Reflection note: I wrote this from my own daily readings. Quotes belong to their original authors and sources (Just for Today, November 13, “Not Perfect,” Narcotics Anonymous World Services, quoting the Basic Text, p. 30, via Daily Ponderables; Twenty-Four Hours a Day, November 13, Hazelden, via Daily Ponderables and Your Daily Reprieve; Pope Francis, The Joy of Love, via Dynamic Catholic, November 13; Theme of the Day, “Making Room for Life,” Daily Ponderables, November 13; A Day at a Time, November 13, via Your Daily Reprieve; Keep It Simple, Hazelden, via Daily Ponderables; Philippians 1:6, English Standard Version; Recovery Thinking, pp. 70 and 72; Success-Full, p. 13). I used AI to help organize it and reviewed it before posting.

Image created with AI assistance.