How to Change Your Attitude in Recovery: It Comes Back to You

“It’s amazing how my attitude toward others tends to return to me like a basketball rebounding off a backboard.”

That’s the opening line of this morning’s Courage to Change reading, and I couldn’t shake the picture. You throw the ball hard; it comes back hard. You toss it gently, it comes back gently. Physics doesn’t play favorites, and neither does attitude.

The reading goes on: “My impatience with other people often generates even more impatience with myself and my world.” Then the good news: “Likewise, when I accept someone unconditionally, I find that my whole world feels safer.”

Whatever I send out, I’m the one standing under the hoop when it comes back.

What you throw is what you catch

The Courage to Change writer lands on a simple rule: “So it’s in my best interest to treat others as I wish to be treated.”

Jesus said the same thing a long time ago, and it still works today:

“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” (Luke 6:31, ESV)

That’s not a rule to keep us in line. It’s an invitation to a better day. Kindness is never wasted, because it bounces right back into my own life.

Daily Ponderables carried a Thought for Today that’s commonly attributed to Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” The same email shared a line attributed to Mark Twain: “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can see.”

How do people feel after they’ve been around you today? It’s a fair question, and it’s one I ask myself.

Take a spot check

Here’s the thing about attitude. It sneaks up on us. One minute the day is fine, and the next you’re short with the cashier, sighing at the driver ahead, and running a commentary on everyone else’s faults.

That’s when a spot check helps. Years ago I wrote a post called Attitude, Attitude, Attitude… about using the spot check and the daily inventory to catch a bad attitude before it runs the whole day. I still believe it. Stop for a minute, look at how I’m reacting, and ask what part of it is mine.

The Courage to Change reading offers a mirror for this: “If I am unhappy with what I receive, I might try looking for that same behavior in myself.” It’s humbling and freeing at the same time. And the other side is just as true: “What I admire in others probably reflects an admirable quality within me.”

When I catch myself taking everybody else’s inventory, I remember it’s my checklist, not yours. My side of the street is the only side I can sweep.

A better attitude is a happier home

This morning’s Twenty-Four Hours a Day asks what rewards come with a new way of living. It describes a home transformed: “Understanding has taken the place of misunderstanding, recriminations, bickering, and resentment.” And then this short, beautiful line: “My home is a home again.”

That doesn’t happen by accident. It happens one kind word and one patient pause at a time. Today’s Daily Spiritual Feedings put it plainly: “Happiness is the byproduct of one’s personal relationship with God.” When I stay close to God, my attitude toward the people around me softens, and that softness comes right back to me.

Your Daily Reprieve shared a 1982 Grapevine line from Toledo, Ohio, about the gift of “freedom to be myself, to like myself as I am.” A good attitude toward others usually starts with a kinder attitude toward myself.

Positive, not phony

I’m a big believer in staying positive. In Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode, I wrote, “Follow the three rules of positivity: Always be positive, Always be positive, and Always be positive!” I also wrote this, and I mean it: “We are not talking about some Pollyanish phony patronizing positivity.”

A real positive attitude isn’t pretending everything is great. It’s choosing how I’ll show up, even on a hard day. In Recovery Thinking, 90-Days to Change Your Life! I put it this way: “Winning in life is an inside job.” My attitude is part of that inside job.

My old friend Tucker had a life principle I wrote about years ago: You Get What You Give. It’s the basketball and the backboard all over again.

Five ways to check your attitude today

Set three spot-check times. Morning, midday, and evening: pause for sixty seconds and ask, “What attitude am I bringing right now?”
Name the bounce. When someone is short with you, ask whether you were short first. No guilt, just honesty.
Lead with one kind sentence. Start your next conversation with something genuinely appreciative.
Flip a complaint into curiosity. Instead of “Why is he like that?” try “What can I learn from this?” The reading promises that, “There is something for me to learn from every interaction I have with other people.”
Practice at home first. Pick one person you live or work with and treat them today exactly the way you’d like to be treated.

Throw it gently

Over 40 years in human services have shown me again and again that the people who do well aren’t the ones with the easiest lives. They’re the ones who keep adjusting their attitude, one interaction at a time.

The Courage to Change page closes with a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.”

Carry the beautiful with you today. Throw it gently, and watch it come back. Life is GOOOOOOOD!!!

So here’s my question for you: What attitude will you send out today, knowing it’s coming right back to you?

Go, Go, Go… Dan 🙂

Books quoted in this post:

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A note on anonymity: Although I write about Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, and their literature here, nothing in this post should be taken to imply my membership in any specific mutual support group.

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Reflection note: I wrote this from my own daily readings. Quotes belong to their original authors and sources (Courage to Change, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, including Ralph Waldo Emerson, via Daily Ponderables; Twenty-Four Hours a Day, October 28 / Hazelden Foundation, via Daily Ponderables and Your Daily Reprieve; Thought for Today quotes commonly attributed to Maya Angelou and Mark Twain, via Daily Ponderables; AA Grapevine, Toledo, Ohio, September 1982, via Your Daily Reprieve; Daily Spiritual Feedings, Anonymous G; Luke 6:31, English Standard Version; Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode; Recovery Thinking, 90-Days to Change Your Life!). I used AI to help organize it and reviewed it before posting.

Image created with AI assistance.