Save a Seat!

“Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us.” That line from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 105, opens today’s Daily Reflections, “A Sense of Belonging.”

Picture a busy plaza with a few empty chairs at a small table. Somebody is going to walk by today looking for a place to sit. Maybe they’re new, nervous, or just tired. Will there be a seat for them?

Today’s readings say belonging is a gift we receive and a gift we give. Let’s look at both.

Belonging starts on the inside

The writer in today’s Daily Reflections describes it simply: “After a session of meditation I knew that the feeling I was experiencing was a sense of belonging because I was so relaxed. I felt quieter inside, more willing to discard little irritations.”

I love that last part. When I feel settled inside, the small stuff stops getting under my skin. I’m easier to be around, and I have more room for other people.

Pema Chodron, quoted in today’s Your Daily Reprieve, puts it this way: “To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes.”

Out of the center of the world

Today’s Twenty-Four Hours a Day is honest about the old way: “I was selfishly trying to be happy, and therefore I was unhappy most of the time.” Then comes the discovery: “I have found that selfishly seeking pleasure does not bring true happiness.”

That is good news! Happiness was never hiding in getting my own way. It shows up when I care about the person next to me. The Dalai Lama, in today’s Daily Ponderables, says it twice for a reason: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

In Success-Full, page 51, I wrote, “If you want to be happy, do what happy people do!” Happy people make room. For more on stepping out of the spotlight, see One Among Many.

People remember how you made them feel

Today’s “Thought for Today” carries these words from Maya Angelou:

“People may forget what you did,
They may forget what you said,
But they will never forget the way you made them feel.”

Think back to your first days of recovery. You may not remember a single word anyone said. But you probably remember who smiled, who shook your hand, and who said, “Sit here.”

In Recovery Thinking, page 66, I wrote, “That is not who you are; that is what you have done!” Saying that out loud to someone who is carrying shame can be the most welcoming thing in the world. My experience in human services, over 40 years now, keeps teaching me the same lesson: people grow where they feel safe and wanted. You can read more in The Power of Encouragement in the Recovery Process.

Patience is a form of welcome

Today’s As Bill Sees It, page 312, in Your Daily Reprieve says, “Honesty with ourselves and others gets us sober, but it is tolerance that keeps us that way.” The same reading adds that “once an alcoholic fully realizes that he cannot get well alone, he will somehow find a way to get well and stay well in the company of others.”

Families need this too. Today’s Big Book reading from Alcoholics Anonymous, page 100, offers gentle advice for the people at home: “Ask them to remember, when they are impatient, the blessed fact of his sobriety.” Patience tells someone, “You still have a seat at this table while you grow.”

Scripture says it beautifully: “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Romans 15:7 (ESV)

And today’s Dynamic Catholic reflection shares a line from St. Gertrude the Great that says it all: “Jesus told me, ‘My heaven would not be complete without you.'” You belong. So does the person walking by.

Five ways to save a seat today

1. Notice the newcomer. Look for the person standing at the edge of the room, the meeting, or the family dinner. Say hello first.
2. Listen without judging. Today’s Daily Ponderables suggests we “listen without judging, offer patience instead of criticism, or reach out to someone who may be feeling alone.” Pick one and do it.
3. Make one call. Think of someone who has gone quiet lately. A two-minute check-in says, “I noticed you’re missing.”
4. Trade criticism for encouragement. Catch one critical comment before it leaves your mouth and swap in something kind and true.
5. Use the hard day. Twenty-Four Hours a Day reminds us, “Whatever it is that must be met, you are to either overcome it or use it.” Your rough stretch may be exactly what helps someone else feel less alone. For more ideas, see Service.

As Will Rogers says in today’s Keep It Simple, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” So get up and pull out a chair for somebody!

Find your place, then help others find theirs

Daily Ponderables names today’s theme “Finding Our Place and Helping Others Find Theirs,” and sums it up: “Belonging is more than finding our place; it’s learning how to help others find theirs.”

Someone made room for each of us along the way. Now it’s our turn. Life is GOOOOOOOD!!!

Here’s my question for you: Who could you help feel a little more welcome today?

Go, Go, Go… Dan 🙂

Books quoted in this post:

• Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0916856291?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Daily Reflections: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0916856372?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Twenty-Four Hours a Day: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0894860127?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• As Bill Sees It: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0916856038?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Alcoholics Anonymous (the Big Book): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1893007170?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Keep It Simple: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0894866257?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• ESV Holy Bible: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1433503832?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CL5BQR7J?tag=happyrecove0e-20
• Recovery Thinking, 90-Days to Change Your Life!: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1467965359?tag=happyrecove0e-20

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A note on anonymity: Although I write about Alcoholics Anonymous and its literature here, nothing in this post should be taken to imply my membership in any specific mutual support group, in keeping with Tradition Eleven.

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Reflection note: I wrote this from my own daily readings. Quotes belong to their original authors and sources (Daily Reflections, November 10, “A Sense of Belonging,” quoting Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 105, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, via Daily Ponderables; Twenty-Four Hours a Day, November 10, Hazelden, via Daily Ponderables; Maya Angelou and the Dalai Lama via Daily Ponderables; Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 100, via Daily Ponderables; Will Rogers via Keep It Simple, Hazelden, via Daily Ponderables; Theme of the Day, “Finding Our Place and Helping Others Find Theirs,” Daily Ponderables, November 10; As Bill Sees It, p. 312, “Tolerance Keeps Us Sober,” and Pema Chodron via Your Daily Reprieve, November 10; St. Gertrude the Great, The Wisdom of the Saints, via the Dynamic Catholic Daily Reflection, November 10; Romans 15:7, English Standard Version; Success-Full; Recovery Thinking). I used AI to help organize it and reviewed it before posting.