“In Recovery we have no VIPs, nor have we need of any.”
Dr. Bob wrote that back in September 1948, and Your Daily Reprieve put it right at the top of my readings this morning. The full line goes on: “Our organization needs no title-holders nor grandiose buildings … Experience has taught us that simplicity is basic in preservation of our personal sobriety and helping those in need.”
I love that. No VIPs. Nobody gets the good chair. The judge and the guy who slept in his car last night drink the same burnt coffee out of the same foam cups.
And here’s the catch. That idea fits everybody in recovery, and nobody is a VIP, me included. Today let’s talk about tolerance, the kind that starts with the person in the mirror.
We’re all a little bit ill (and that’s GOOD news!)
Today’s Daily Reflection comes from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: “Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means.”
Read that again. Including ourselves.
The writer of the reflection asks some honest questions: “Who among us is spiritually perfect? Who among us is physically perfect? How could any of us be emotionally perfect?” Then comes the answer: “bear with one another and treat each other as we would be treated in similar circumstances? That is what love really is.”
When I stop expecting other people to be perfect, I get a lot more peaceful. When I stop expecting ME to be perfect, I get a lot more useful.
The door is wide open
Tradition Three shows up in today’s readings too: “The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.”
That’s it. No dress code. No credit check. No minimum number of days. Whoever walks in that door with a desire belongs, and that includes the person who gets on everybody’s last nerve.
Scripture says the same thing about how we treat each other: “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,” Ephesians 4:2 (ESV).
Humility, gentleness, and patience. Not one of those comes naturally to an alcoholic who wants what he wants when he wants it! We practice them anyway, one day and one conversation at a time.
We are mirrors of each other
A Day at a Time ends today’s page with a simple line: “We are mirrors of each other.”
Ever notice how the thing that bugs you most about somebody else is usually something you’ve done yourself? The know-it-all in the group. The guy who shares too long. The newcomer who thinks he’s got it figured out after a week. Yep. Been there!
In Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode I wrote two words I still believe with my whole heart: “Resentment kills!” Intolerance is just resentment on a slow burn. It sneaks up on us one eye roll at a time.
There’s a prayer in that same book I use when somebody is getting under my skin: “Lord, please give them everything I want and more!” Try praying that for someone for two weeks and see what happens to your heart.
Quit complaining, start choosing
Your Daily Reprieve also passed along this one from Eckhart Tolle: “When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.”
Ouch. And amen.
Complaining feels like doing something, but it isn’t. It keeps us stuck in the problem instead of the solution. Recovery gives us three honest options. Walk away, do something about it, or accept it and let God handle the rest.
Five ways to practice tolerance today
- Look in the mirror first. When someone irritates you, ask, “Where have I done that?” Write down one honest answer.
- Pray the “everything I want and more” prayer. Name the person. Mean it as best you can.
- Sit next to somebody new. At your next mutual support meeting, pick a seat by someone you don’t know well, or someone you’ve been avoiding.
- Catch one complaint. When you hear yourself griping, stop and ask, “Leave it, change it, or accept it?”
- Keep it simple. Skip the title, the résumé, and the war stories. Just be one person in recovery talking to another.
Gratitude for the folding chairs
I’m grateful that recovery has no VIP section. It means there’s room for me, with all my defects, and room for you too. The folks who drive us crazy often end up teaching us the most about patience. That’s the beauty of the circle. We’re all in it together, and every chair is the same size.
Life is GOOOOOOOD!!!
Who’s one person you could practice a little more patience with today?
Go, Go, Go… Dan 🙂
Books quoted in this post:
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
- Daily Reflections
- A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People
- Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode
- ESV Holy Bible
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A note on anonymity: Although I write about Alcoholics Anonymous and its literature here, nothing in this post should be taken to imply my membership in any specific mutual support group, in keeping with Tradition Eleven.
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Reflection note: I wrote this from my own daily readings. Quotes belong to their original authors and sources (Dr. Bob, AA co-founder, September 1948, via Your Daily Reprieve; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 92, and Tradition Three / Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., via Your Daily Reprieve; the October 22 Daily Reflection “True Tolerance,” Daily Reflections / Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., via Your Daily Reprieve; A Day at a Time / Hazelden, via Your Daily Reprieve; Eckhart Tolle, via Your Daily Reprieve; Ephesians 4:2, The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), Crossway; Success-Full, Living Life with Purpose: Recovery Mode). I used AI to help organize it and reviewed it before posting.
Image created with AI assistance.